Title: Chained Souls
Rating: NC- 17
Form: One-shot / Short Story (3/4)
Beta: Not beta-ed. Please forgive errors
Genre: Mild angst, fluff and smut
Excerpt: "Let's make things clear," Jaejoong said calmly, it was now or never, "I'm going to give you a choice."
Jaejoong wanted to faint. He was getting his much needed sleep to recover from his high fever when Taemin rang the bell like a madman he couldn't help but got out of bed and answered the door. And now, the real version of the ghost that had been haunting his life stood right in front of him in a long sleeve black T-shirt and blue jeans. Jaejoong breathed out and muttered a weak, "you can leave."
He turned around, lifting his right leg to make the first move to the bedroom when his world tilted a little. He felt a warm body behind him, two arms wrapped around his chest and held him in place. He breathed in, smelling the scent of his favourite perfume. "Dammit, you're burning up." He heard the deep baritone voice before he was hoisted into the strong arms and carried to the bedroom. Was he hallucinating again? The real Jung Yunho would have left. Jaejoong wondered as he fell into unconsciousness.
It must have been hours of sleep when Jaejoong opened his eyes to the shaft of sunlight. It was late winter. Jaejoong knew by the rare winter sunlight that it must be afternoon already. His manager, An, was sitting at the only one seat couch in the room, smiling at him. "Getting better?" he asked, getting up from the couch and placing the phone that was previously in his hand into his jeans. "I wanted to buy you lunch but someone volunteered to feed you."
"You changed me, An-yah?" Jaejoong mumbled from his sleeping position, his head was still so heavy he didn't bother to sit. He hadn't recovered. The pyjama he remembered wearing was changed into a large t-shirt and sweatpants, both drenched in sweat. He realized the air in the room was humid and warm. "Open the window, it's hot in here," Jaejoong ordered, adding a late 'please' when he realized his manners. An pushed the window open, letting cold air enter his sleeping space. Jaejoong liked coldness better, though when he was having fever in the past, Yunho always made sure the room was warm and airy.
Yunho? Jaejoong sat up straight on bed, groaning and palming his head at the dizziness he caused himself by the act. He could hear his manager cursing, probably shocked by his sudden move. Jaejoong sat still until the throbbing of his head lessen, and looked around the room. At the bedside table there were a jug of plain water, a glass and an ear thermometer. Underneath the ear thermometer was a piece of paper with times' and temperatures' reading -- 4.45 am: 41°C, 5.45 am: 40.5°C and 6.45 am: 39.5 °C. He knew that handwriting, every curve and line of the alphabets and numbers. The last time he had seen the handwriting was on a card slipped inside a bouquet of red roses sent to him more than a year ago. Thinking of you, the card declared.
Jaejoong turned away from the bedside table, looking at the space at his left. He realized he slept at the right side of the bed, when he usually occupied the centre of the bed. He looked at the pillow placed beside his, wanting so much to grab and smell it. Vague recollection of the early morning after Taemin left returned to him, of being lifted up and placed on the bed, of being stripped bare and wiped all over with wet warm cloth, of a thermometer shoved into his ear at some point, of being fed medicine and water and --Jaejoong wondered if he was hallucinating -- of being kissed on his forehead with a voice muttering 'sleep, beautiful.'
The bell rang once, bringing Jaejoong back to the room. An was about to make his move when Jaejoong stopped him. "Leave it," Jaejoong said, listening for the next sound of bell. His heart was beating so fast. Who was he expecting behind the door? Was he really ready to see the man that had caused him so much pain? Was it even him? The bell didn't ring again, but there was a sound of a door opening and footsteps leading to his bedroom. "Junsu?" An called, his manager knew of only three persons who held the key to his apartment. Junsu, the manager himself and Jaejoong.
Yunho appeared at the door, stopping his track as his eyes stared into Jaejoong's. Jaejoong held his breath, he remembered he had done exactly that the first time he saw Yunho years back, early this morning, now. Yunho stole his breath away. All the time. Always. "I bought lunch, you fell better?" Jaejoong breathed in at the question, filling air into his lungs. Yunho broke their eye contact, looking at An and extending his hand. "Sorry for not introducing myself this morning, I was late for work. I'm Yunho."
Jaejoong saw his manager nod and introduce himself too. They exchanged a few friendly remarks before Yunho passed a plastic bag in his hand to An, muttering "I bought extra for you, can you help place Jaejoong's food in a bowl?" An nodded, glancing at Jaejoong once and exiting the room. Yunho turned his eyes towards Jaejoong for a second time, and Jaejoong couldn't help but to hold his breath again. Somehow, being in one room with Yunho was making him dizzier than he already was. "Feeling better?" Yunho repeated his previous question, his lips twisted into a quiet smile, as if he didn't know whether he should be smiling at Jaejoong or not.
Jaejoong on the other hand was sure he wouldn't crack a smile for Yunho. "Yes better, you don't have to trouble yourself." Jaejoong lied. He wasn't well, and he knew Yunho knew. Which part of him Yunho didn't know? "Good. Let's get you change," Yunho walked to Jaejoong's wardrobe, taking out a clean pair of sweatpants and t-shirt. Jaejoong realized he was sweating. Yunho had wrapped him under blankets with the heater on, one of the most effective ways of making his temperature drop. Yunho walked to him, and Jaejoong flinched when Yunho sat at the bed edge, so close to him. He pulled he blanket away and tugged the hem of Jaejoong's t-shirt, pulling it out of Jaejoong's body. Jaejoong hated how effortlessly Yunho could strip him.
"I can do this myself," Jaejoong muttered when Yunho wiped his body with the t-shirt. "I know," Yunho whispered, not looking into his eyes. Jaejoong took the opportunity to stare at Yunho's face, feeling a sudden sharp ache in his chest. Yunho didn't age, still the handsome man he had last seen more than 2 years ago. Jaejoong lifted his bottom when Yunho tugged the waistband of his sweatpants, covering him up again quickly before the cold air managed to send goose bump on his skin. "You're so thin," Yunho said as he put the t-shirt on him. Jaejoong refused to acknowledge the remark. "I can take care of myself," Jaejoong said instead. Yunho turned his gaze on his face, and Jaejoong faltered a little and almost looked away. But he didn't. "Let me take care of you," Yunho said, flicking some of his hair away from his forehead. The act and words warmed Jaejoong all over.
An's presence beside them was what broke their stare. The manager placed a tray on top of Jaejoong's lap. Jaejoong glanced at the food, noting udon in plain hot soup. One of the food he could stomach when he's sick. Yunho must be having a blast showing Jaejoong how well he knew him. "You'll eat rice for dinner," Yunho said, matter-of-factly. It wasn't even a question, just like the sure statement Yunho muttered about wanting to take care of him. Jaejoong wanted to say no, wanted to send Yunho away. Jaejoong wanted Yunho near too, wanted to be taken care of. Conflicting. Jaejoong took the spoon on the tray and fed himself the noodle, refusing to think any further. Yunho grabbed his medication from the bedside table and took each out, placing them on a small medicine container, together with vitamins Jaejoong usually consumed. He poured water into a glass next, leaving it there as it was, on the bedside table, before he faced Jaejoong again.
Jaejoong was overly aware of Yunho watching him eat, and his manager watching them both. "I need to go to work," Yunho said, "I'll bring dinner later, then I'll go to work again, but I'll be here after midnight." Jaejoong debated with himself at this, wanting to refuse the visit knowing Yunho was busy. "Are you sure? I will be here to see to his needs." It was An who responded to Yunho's statement. "It's okay, I think you should go back after Jaejoong's dinner. I'll tend to him at night." Jaejoong dropped the spoon on the tray, feeling full with just a few spoons of food he forced down his throat. He grabbed the medication container and poured the pills into his mouth, almost choking as he swallowed them all with water. "Don't be here" Jaejoong managed to mutter, he was suddenly mad at Yunho's normalcy.
"I'll be here," Yunho said. "Don't," Jaejoong reminded Yunho he wasn't the only stubborn one in the room. "You have the key?" An interrupted, but Jaejoong didn't turn to face him, holding his stare on Yunho. "I do," Yunho broke the stare, looking at An with his semi-smile again. Of course Yunho still had the key, Jaejoong thought bitterly, and of course he never dropped by even once. Why was he even here now? Jaejoong finally looked away from Yunho's face, turning his eyes to An. An was looking at him with questions in his eyes. "I think we need reintroduction," Jaejoong passed the tray in his lap to An, "An-yah, meet Jung Yunho, my ex-boyfriend. We used to live here together."
Admitting their relationship to someone besides their family members and dongsaengs had never happened before. Jaejoong had to applaud Yunho for not flinching. His facial expression didn't even change, as if he knew Jaejoong was mad and acted recklessly because of his anger. An on the other hand reacted exactly the opposite of Yunho, flinching and looking utterly shocked.
Yunho didn't respond to Jaejoong's revelation. He grabbed the thermometer and gently inserted the tip into Jaejoong's ear. He opened the bedside drawer and took out a pen, writing the temperature and time on the same piece of paper he had jotted on before. "See you for dinner, get some rest, the temperature is still so high," Yunho muttered softly and got up from the bed, excusing himself to return to his work.
Jaejoong felt weak the moment Yunho disappeared from his bedroom. As if his fever was cured when Yunho was near and returned back full force when he left. Jaejoong flopped his back onto the bed, getting under the blanket and closed his eyes. He heard his manager ask, 'he seriously is your ex?' but Jaejoong pretended not to hear. Yunho never muttered the word 'break-up', he just said 'let's not see each other for a while'. Seemed like 'a while' to Yunho meant years, and Jaejoong didn't care whatever Yunho mean by his words when they took their separate ways -- hiatus, break-up, or simply a break from each other-- he didn't care for meanings. They all meant the same, no Yunho. For two and a half years. And that, mattered.
+ + + + +
Yunho slotted in the key a few minutes after midnight. He didn't ring the bell once like he did when he brought Jaejoong's lunch and dinner. Yunho closed the front door and walked quietly into Jaejoong's dim-lighted bedroom, seeing the beautiful man deep asleep in bed. Yunho gazed at the only couch in the room, checking if Jaejoong's manager was still there. No one was in sight. Yunho breathed in relief, approaching the bed. He dropped his overnight bag and stripped himself off his plain black shirt and jeans, climbing the bed slowly with only his boxers on. Jaejoong was sleeping facing the right side, and Yunho smiled imagining Jaejoong stare at the empty side, waiting for him to return.
Yunho rested his head on the pillow, turning his body to completely face Jaejoong. He stared at the sleeping face, missing every inch of it even when he had left the place just a few hours ago. He had been coming back to the apartment three times just yesterday. At almost 5 in the morning to pick Taemin up, at 12 noon to bring Jaejoong's lunch and at almost 7 to feed Jaejoong his dinner. He knew he was barging into Jaejoong's life. In little regards to Jaejoong's feelings.
Yunho sighed softly at his foolishness, maybe even at his selfishness. It was him who asked Jaejoong not to meet for some time after the lawsuit. Everything was just too much for him to deal with at the time; of Jaejoong slipping away from him, of the medias spouting nonsense about all of them, of the company demanding his loyalty, of knowing that their decision was so different. Little did he know that some time would turn into years when their schedules didn't match anymore, their world so far apart from each other.
Yunho snickered at himself for the excuses. He didn't deserve to defend himself. He should just admit he lost his soul when he walked away from Jaejoong. Like he was living but not living, doing whatever he needed to do by following instructions, like a puppet. He even nodded when he was asked to change his phone number. That pretty much cut Jaejoong out of his life. Yunho breathed in and touched Jaejoong's forehead, checking the temperature. Jaejoong was still burning up. Yunho leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Jaejoong's lips, knowing his sweetheart would not recover until at least two days. Always more than two days in the past.
Past. Sometimes it seemed like a lifetime ago. Sometimes it seemed like yesterday. Yunho could still recall the moment when he gave the apartment to Jaejoong, declaring they shouldn't be seeing each other for some time, three months after the lawsuit. He had packed his belonging and left the apartment and was devastated when he knew Jaejoong left too. Yunho remembered the first time he heard Jaejoong move into the apartment again, a year after. He was happy Jaejoong didn't just abandon the place that they had bought together. Their secret place they used to return to when they wanted to be together, just the two of them. A weekend get-away, a love making sanctuary -- theirs.
Truth was, without Jaejoong knowing, Yunho had visited the apartment after Jaejoong moved in. When they were together, Jaejoong had said that he wanted to change the lock into password door lock, but they separated before they managed to proceed with the plan. He assumed Jaejoong had changed the lock, going with his plan, but he never did. So, one day, when he knew Jaejoong was away for his overseas tour, Yunho got in. He spent the night in Jaejoong's bed, inhaling the sweet scent of the man he had never stopped loving. He traced his fingers on each of Jaejoong's belongings, wanting a small fraction of him he could get. Sometimes he wished Jaejoong would return suddenly, that they would meet, but it never happened. And he never had the courage to visit when Jaejoong was home. A coward he was.
If it was not for Taemin, Yunho might not even be here yet. Yunho remembered Taemin's confession. Taemin asked for his heart, and heart was what he didn't have. He gave it to someone when he was 17. It was never returned back to him. Never would. Yunho leaned in again and kissed Jaejoong's chin. Taemin reminded him of the impossibility to love someone else. Yunho believed it was impossible for Jaejoong too, even when a year ago Jaejoong got himself a girlfriend. A girlfriend. How shattered Yunho's life was when he heard the news from Changmin. Changmin said Jaejoong himself confess to Junsu, that he had been dating for a week.
Without thinking, Yunho went to a florist, sending Jaejoong a bouquet of red roses with a message written with his own hand that Jaejoong said he loved. The relationship ended, and never again was Jaejoong heard to be with someone. "I'm sorry," Yunho whispered, words he wanted to say so many times but failed. He leaned forward again, kissing Jaejoong's eyebrow and falling into sleep.
When Yunho woke up Jaejoong wasn't in bed. "Jaejoongie?" Yunho jumped off bed and grabbed his jeans, fishing for his phone to check the time. It was still 5 am. "Baby?" Yunho walked towards the bathroom, seeing the light on. He peeked inside, Jaejoong was staring at his reflection, touching the dark colour skin underneath one of his eyes. He looked pale, eyes reflected tiredness and too much sleep, lips a little chapped due to the heat of the room. Yunho was adamant for the heater to be left on. Jaejoong's eyes in the mirror fell onto Yunho's face, and he turned away second later. Yunho's heart managed to admire how beautiful Jaejoong was in that few second the face was directed his way. "Didn't know I look like crap." Yunho wasn't sure if Jaejoong was talking to himself or to him. Yunho was so close to admitting how wrong Jaejoong was. Yunho had never encountered anyone more beautiful.
"You can't shower yet." Yunho knew Jaejoong was irritated by the many instructions he had given to him. He could get bossy when Jaejoong was sick. Jaejoong shot an annoyed look at him, and Yunho unconsciously smiled at the adorable reaction. "Just peeing." Jaejoong mumbled, not returning his smile. Jaejoong turned away from the mirror, walking towards the door. Yunho grabbed Jaejoong's waist when they man was about to past him at the door, bringing him into his embrace next.
"Dizzy?" Yunho asked, hands enveloping Jaejoong's small waist. Jaejoong didn't struggle, allowing himself to be plastered against Yunho's bare chest, pricking Yunho's skin with his feverish heat. Yunho buried his head into Jaejoong's mop of hair, smelling citrus with a whiff of sweat. Yunho inhaled deeper, holding his pliant baby. "What do you want for breakfast?" Yunho asked another question, which remained unanswered. Ever so slightly, he felt Jaejoong's lips graze his shoulder. He felt as well, the breath on his neck taking his scent in. Yunho smiled, bringing one hand away from Jaejoong's waist while the other remained, turning around and guiding Jaejoong to his bed.
"I can walk," Jaejoong protested with no apparent struggle. "I know," Yunho swallowed the word baby at the end of his words. The sick Jaejoong was always docile, but Yunho knew not to cross the line. It was enough that Jaejoong didn't get mad at him for forcing himself in. He could sense Jaejoong's irritation, especially when he muttered the word ex-boyfriend to his manager yesterday, as if reminding Yunho of his 'let's not see each other' request. Yunho let Jaejoong go once Jaejoong was seated on the bed, waking to the bathroom to take the wet cloth he placed there to wipe Jaejoong's body.
Yunho undressed Jaejoong, wiping the beautiful naked body with the warm wet cloth, triggering the memory of the body against and around his. He checked Jaejoong's temperature and wrote it on the paper, then walked out of the room to prepare eight buttered toasts for him and Jaejoong. Jaejoong ate two pieces of the toasts, which was good enough, before Yunho gave him his medicines and vitamins. "Eat," Jaejoong muttered, putting two pills onto Yunho's hand by the time Yunho finished the 6 toasts. "Thank you," Yunho didn't argue, taking the vitamins given by Jaejoong, knowing Jaejoong didn't want him to get infected by his fever.
They were both sitting on the bed, Jaejoong against the headboard, Yunho at the edge of the bed, close to Jaejoong. They were both staring at each other again. Just like a few minutes ago when Yunho was wiping Jaejoong, or when they were eating, they stared at each other a lot. "Rest," Yunho said, smiling. Jaejoong plopped himself onto the bed, head resting on the pillow, eyes still on Yunho. Yunho's eyes moved away from Jaejoong's, falling on Jaejoong's slightly dry lips. Yunho curved his top closer to Jaejoong, arm snaking underneath Jaejoong's pillow and roaming the area. If Yunho remembered correctly, during winter, Jaejoong usually placed Vaseline under his pillow.
"Found it," Yunho pulled his hand away, uncapping the tube and scraping the gel with his little finger. He dabbed Jaejoong's lips with it, turning the pouty heaven glossy and kissable. "I'm gonna shower," Yunho muttered, bringing his finger away from Jaejoong's lips. Bringing himself away too as he walked to the bathroom and showered. When he had done showering and wearing his clothes, Jaejoong had fallen asleep. The pills helped making him rest, Yunho thought as he stared at Jaejoong's sleeping face and leaned over to place a kiss on the lips.
Yunho emulated yesterday's routine, bringing Jaejoong's lunch and dinner. The manager was nowhere to be seen, Yunho assumed by this that Jaejoong want to be only with him. They had touched each other more too. Even though Jaejoong still didn't smile and talked much, he had started to nuzzle Yunho's neck whenever they were close, or grazed his lips on Yunho's shoulder, or rubbed his head against Yunho's back. Jaejoong's touches were discreet, meanwhile Yunho openly kissed Jaejoong's forehead, his nose, his cheek and even his ear while taking his temperature. Jaejoong pulled away when Yunho wanted to kiss his lips, but he muttered softly he was having fever. "Get well soon then," Yunho said, pecking his lips before he went back to work.
Unlike yesterday, Yunho managed to return to the apartment two hours before midnight. Unlike yesterday too, Jaejoong wasn't sleeping. He was sitting on his bed, back against the headboard, reading what appeared to be a script book. Colour had returned to his face and lips. He seemed well. "Feeling better?" Yunho asked, throwing his backpack into the only couch in the room, situated at the opposite of the bed, near the bedroom door. Jaejoong didn't answer his question, instead he said, "I want to shower. I want to turn off the heater too."
"Okay," Yunho nodded. At Yunho's response, Jaejoong got up and turned off the heater. Yunho bit his lip to suppress his happy laughter at the fact that Jaejoong listened to his 'don't shower' and 'stay warm', watching the smaller man return back to the bed. Not moving from the doorframe, Yunho took off his socks, his trousers and the thick long sleeve gray t-shirt. He walked towards Jaejoong in his boxers, pulling away the script from Jaejoong's hand and removing his baggy t-shirt. "I can shower by myself," Jaejoong muttered and Yunho just nodded. He removed every piece of clothing on Jaejoong, taking off his own boxers too. Yunho threw the dirty clothes into the laundry basket, holding Jaejoong's hand as they walked to the bathroom.
Under the warm running water, Yunho stood facing Jaejoong as his hands roamed the smooth fair skin. Jaejoong was closing his eyes, letting Yunho soap him up and rinse him clean. Yunho had showered hurriedly first so that he would be able to bathe Jaejoong. Now he wasn't sure if that was a good idea. Yunho breathed in as Jaejoong's sex swelled with every touch. He averted his eyes from the manhood, looking at Jaejoong's face when the man opened his eyes and glared at Yunho as if warning Yunho not to say anything about the erection. Yunho was not about to call the kettle black. Not when he was being the pot. Yunho turned off the water, pulling a towel off the rail and wrapping it around his lower body. It didn't hide his erection, which he saw Jaejoong glance at from the corner of his eyes. He grabbed another one and wiped Jaejoong's hair, his body, and even his gorgeous erection. "Let's get you dress."
"I can do that myself," Jaejoong whispered, exiting the bathroom so distractingly naked. Yunho used Jaejoong's towel to dry his hair as he followed Jaejoong to the bed, warning himself not to lose control before they talked properly. "Let's check your temperature," Yunho said, wanting to quickly let Jaejoong rest so he wouldn't be tempted to claim the body he was so used of claiming for 8 years. Jaejoong was sitting at the bed edge, putting Vaseline on his elbows and knees, his middle part hidden underneath the blanket. Yunho took the thermometer and bend closer to Jaejoong's head.
"Don't," Jaejoong flinched as Yunho got close, "I've healed." Yunho stopped his movement, bringing his head away from Jaejoong. "Really?" Yunho breathed in, Jaejoong's voice had gotten huskier. Yunho put away the thermometer, perhaps he shouldn't get too near to Jaejoong's sensitive ears. He stood an arm away from Jaejoong, extending his hand and palming Jaejoong's forehead. Jaejoong wasn't burning up anymore, but his skin flushed at the touch. Jaejoong pushed Yunho's hand away, bringing his eyes to glare at Yunho. The eyes glistened, the pupils widened, but not with anger.
Eight years of making love to Jaejoong, almost every night -- Yunho knew each sign very well.
Yunho's sex tingled. He stood unmoving, staring at Jaejoong's eyes. They were both fighting for control, Yunho felt it in the twitching of his fingers, the crazy beating of his heart. He saw it in Jaejoong's flushed skin, his quavering fingers. A whimper escaped Jaejoong's lips. And Yunho lost it.
He cupped Jaejoong's face and kissed the lips. Jaejoong's pouty heaven was still so magical, was still so familiar. During the kisses, they ended up horizontally in bed with Jaejoong pinned underneath Yunho's body. They broke the kiss when they needed air, and Jaejoong whispered, "want." Yunho roamed his palm around the place he saw Jaejoong drop the Vaseline, whimpering when Jaejoong kissed him again, and again and again. Yunho's hand touch the tube, he flipped it open with a click and Jaejoong shoved his palm towards Yunho at the sound.
Yunho squeezed the gel onto Jaejoong's palm, feeling Jaejoong sneak his hand through the very little gap between their body. Yunho planted his knees on the bed, lifting himself up a bit as Jaejoong grabbed his manhood with his sticky hand. Yunho stared at Jaejoong's eyes as he pushed himself slowly into Jaejoong's. Jaejoong moaned as Yunho's tip breached him, and he wrapped his legs around Yunho's waist and brought his hands against Yunho's bottom and pressed Yunho's body closer. Yunho groaned.
"Baby, slow--," Yunho breathed out, his knees firmly held him in place as he kissed Jaejoong. Jaejoong melted against his lips, his legs and hands losing their force. Yunho slipped further inside, inch by careful-inch, even when his burning body wanted to plunge in completely. It has been too long, his eagerness would hurt Jaejoong. When Jaejoong's body accepted him whole, Yunho stopped moving. He placed both of his hands around Jaejoong's head, staring into Jaejoong's eyes. Jaejoong brought his hands to hold Yunho's wrists, smiling faintly for the very first time since Yunho met him again. Yunho's whole being shivered at the sight. He bent down and kissed Jaejoong, rocking himself slowly, letting the hot tightness bring him to heaven.
Heaven wasn't far away, or maybe it had been too long they were both overwhelmed by the sensation. Yunho groaned as he emptied inside of Jaejoong, stopping his kiss and pulling his head a bit as he basked in the sight of Jaejoong curl in bed, gasping for air as his fingers gripped the bed sheet. Yunho wanted to wait until Jaejoong catch his breath to capture the red wet lips again, but he was pulled into a soft lingering kiss by the still breathless Jaejoong.
"Let me clean you," Yunho whispered between kisses, wanting to get Jaejoong dressed soon. He could feel Jaejoong's temperature rising. He knew it was because of what they just did, but Yunho didn't want to risk it. "Baby, let me get the wet towel..." Yunho pushed himself up but Jaejoong trapped him with his legs. Yunho kissed Jaejoong again, deeper and wilder. "I'll be right back," Yunho freed himself from Jaejoong's entangled legs and slipped his sex carefully out of Jaejoong's. He kissed Jaejoong's lips again and got up from the bed. He rushed himself and got back to Jaejoong in just seconds. "Come here baby," Yunho pulled Jaejoong so he'd be laying on his side of the bed. Jaejoong was covering his eyes with the back of his hand. Yunho wiped Jaejoong's stomach and between his legs.
"Yunho, please leave." Jaejoong whispered. Yunho stopped cleaning him at the words. His breath hitched. Yunho pulled Jaejoong's hand away from his face. Jaejoong was crying. "Baby?" Yunho dropped the towel, bringing himself to embrace Jaejoong's shaking body. One of his hands cupped Jaejoong's cheek, wiping the tears. "Did I hurt you baby?" Yunho asked.
Jaejoong pushed himself away from Yunho, but Yunho struggled to keep him close. "Baby, what's wrong?" Yunho asked, his gut wrenching at the sight. "What's wrong?" Jaejoong snorted, "you can be nice to me, take care of me and kiss me. It would take months for me to get over your kindness, your gentleness, your kiss. But making love to me? Marking me yours again heart, and soul, body and mind...what the heck?" Jaejoong muttered. Yunho was speechless. Didn't Jaejoong want him too? Wanted to make love to him too?
"Do you know how long I spent my time here feeling as if your body was still pressed so close to me? I spent one year with Yoochun thinking you'd change your mind and find me there. You didn't. So I moved in here just in case you dropped by. I spent 4 months here, feeling as if you make love to me still, on this very bed. Every corner of this place reminds me of you. And now that I am okay being here without feeling as if you're around me 24/7, you waltz back into my life. After two and a half years. Talking to me like we were supposed to be talking."
"I can date Yunho, I can kiss thousands of women and men, but tell me who can I make love to? Who can satisfy the needs of my heart while satisfying my body? Why do you have to be the only person I ever made love to? I should have sex with someone else before I met you at 16. But yeah, you have to be the one my heart decided to fall in love with at the first sight, at the first hand shake. What are you doing here? Isn't it you who said we shouldn't see each other? Then why did you send me flowers when I got myself a girlfriend? If you can send flowers then why can't you just come back to me?"
Jaejoong pushed himself away again, this time Yunho let him. Jaejoong sat on the bed, glaring at him, "Why don't you just throw away the key to this apartment? You walked into my life two days ago as if nothing changed. But then you kissed me politely, touched me scarcely in my sleep." Jaejoong's tears fiercely fell. "Then Taemin came and said he confessed to you, that he loves you and I realized, I still do too. So please Yunho, leave."
Yunho breathed in. All the time Jaejoong remained quiet around him for the past two days was because he didn't want to say these words. The words he had muttered now and pierced Yunho's soul because they were the truth. Yunho had caused Jaejoong unbearable pains. He knew that, but hearing Jaejoong spouted his heart content -- "I'm sorry." Yunho said, knowing he didn't deserve forgiveness even if he came back crawling to his baby.
"Sorry for what? For chaining me? For changing your numbers? For cutting me out of your life? Sorry that you thought I'll move on but I keep wanting you?"
"I'm sorry." Yunho repeated, pulling Jaejoong back into his embrace. "I am sorry I make you cry." Yunho kissed Jaejoong's face.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Jaejoong struggled in his embrace, "you think this is the only time I cried for you? Leave, Yunho. I will gladly spend 4 more months forgetting tonight. Just to inform you though, you think I can move on like you can after two years and a half, but sorry you're mistaken. Give me a lifetime more and I'll forget you for real. Don't go haunting me in my afterlife or next life."
"Baby forgive me. I'm sorry baby, please. Forgive me." Yunho used his strength to keep Jaejoong in his arms, pushing the crying man onto the bed to calm him down, "I can't move on too. You've chained my soul. I never move on," Yunho felt a line of hot liquid crossed his left cheek. He ignored it, letting go of Jaejoong's body to bring his hands around Jaejoong's face, wiping the tears with his fingers.
"I hate you, I hate you so much." Jaejoong muttered, lips quavering. He brought his hands to Yunho's face too, and Yunho felt a finger wipe his tears. Jaejoong seemed sad now, anger vanished from his face perhaps by the sight of Yunho's tears. Yunho felt he don't deserve the affection. "Why am I always so willing when it comes to you? I willingly accepted your confession, even your kiss right after that. I willingly took you inside my body a week after we're together, willingly agreed not to meet when I'd spent 8 years being with you every single day." Jaejoong muttered dejectedly and looked away from his face, muttering "Forget what I said. It's the medicine. I'm not sober."
"I'm sorry baby," Yunho said again, caressing Jaejoong's face until Jaejoong fell asleep.
+ + + + +
Jaejoong opened his swollen eyes. The left side of the bed was empty. Yunho must have listened to his foolish wish and leave. Jaejoong grabbed the pillow and inhaled the smell, glad Yunho's scent lingered on it. Yunho's scent was still on him too. The feeling of him inside. The taste of his kiss. Jaejoong breathed in the pillow again, remembering some of his words to Yunho last night. "I'm sorry too," Jaejoong mumbled. Yunho's sorrys kept on replaying in his head. Jaejoong wanted to hear it all the time, in the last two years. But when Yunho finally muttered it, Jaejoong's heart broke.
Yunho appeared shocked at Jaejoong's outburst. Jaejoong surprised even himself. There was like an explosion happening inside of him and suddenly he couldn't stop the burning lava from pouring out.
Jaejoong didn't cry when Yunho left him two and a half years ago. The decision was mutual, Jaejoong agreed not to meet when Yunho suggested it. But the truth was, back then, Jaejoong actually believed that Yunho wasn't capable of leaving him. Like he wasn't capable of leaving Yunho. He thought the separation would last only a few days, maybe weeks, until Yunho sorted out what he needed to sort out. That night, they both still made love after the decision, he still fell asleep in Yunho's arms. But the next morning when he woke up, Yunho was nowhere to be seen. His clothes were missing too.
Day by day Jaejoong hoped Yunho would change his mind, but he didn't. After a year of staying with Yoochun Jaejoong wondered if the reason Yunho gave him the apartment was for him to wait here, so he moved back and spent one and a half year after that still without Yunho. And yesterday, when Yunho left the bed, Jaejoong was reminded of their last night together, was reminded of Yunho's ability to leave him. In the bed, alone, after making love to him. Yunho would leave him again. He had healed, no more fever, there was no reason for Yunho to stay anymore. The realization sounded so childish now, but his tears were triggered by Yunho moving away from his body after their love making. He should have entangled his legs tighter around Yunho, let Yunho nestle inside of him until they fell asleep.
"Yunho." Jaejoong breathed out. It was a lie when he said he was so willing when it came to Yunho. Jaejoong knew he couldn't blame Yunho. He wasn't willing, he wanted Yunho too. Wanted him so much in his life. He remembered how his heart soared when Yunho first kissed him, how he was the one who pulled Yunho to his bed when they first made love. He wanted Yunho to hug him and kiss him when he was sick, wanted Yunho to stay when he asked him to leave. Jaejoong hugged the pillow tighter, bringing it to his face again, inhaling Yunho's smell. Yunho had apologized, but Jaejoong was so mad and sad he refused to accept his words last night.
Right now, there was nothing more Jaejoong needed but to have Yunho right beside him. Jaejoong pushed himself up, sitting weakly on the bed.
Jaejoong's eyes stared into Yunho's. The man was sitting on the couch facing the bed, in his boxers, his both feet on the couch. There was sadness on Yunho's sleep deprived face, though he flashed Jaejoong a weak smile. Jaejoong swallowed, holding his breath.
"Morning baby." Yunho whispered, and Jaejoong thought he'd give up everything to hear Yunho said the words to him forever.
Jaejoong breathed in, getting air into him. "Let's make things clear," Jaejoong said calmly, it was now or never, "I'm going to give you choices. If you think we shall not be seeing each other anymore, you have to leave. If you think you want to be in my life still, like I want to be in yours, you can stay. But if you stay and dare make another request of not seeing me for years, I will not leave you be this time. I will announce to the world how perfect you are in bed making love to me and destroy our careers. Or if you don't want that, you have to tell me to my face that you don't love me anymore. That I am not yours. That I can move on and try to love others. Even if that's impossible, I'll always be in love with you, you have to say it to me and break me for real. I want forever with you baby, even if I can't be with you often or every day, I need to know where you are and what you're doing."
Jaejoong saw Yunho bite his lower lip, absorbing his words. "So Jung Yunho, choose. Leave right now, or stay--" Jaejoong stopped his sentence as Yunho jumped off the couch and sprinted to the bed. The next second he was in Yunho's arms, warm and comforting.
"Never again, baby," Yunho whispered to his ear.
"Promise?" Jaejoong whispered.
A/n: YAY FOR YUNJAE. Let's hope for more meetings between our beloved two (and maybe five) in future =)